


An Honourable Man

by tiptoethrough



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 16:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11971638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiptoethrough/pseuds/tiptoethrough
Summary: People have always seemed to think Alec an honourable guy. He's not so sure.





	An Honourable Man

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Jalec Gift Exchange on tumblr for sapphicalexandra. I hope you like it! I'm not gonna lie, I really struggled with this prompt because I'm NOT a happy ending person! lol. But I hope what I came up with is to your liking nonetheless. And although there is a little uncertainty going forward for Jace and Alec at the end of this, I certainly think it's HOPEFUL, if not uplifting. :)

“You’re a man of honour, and the only person in the world I would trust with something like this,” Jace had said, before hanging up.

                Alec didn’t go to Magnus’ loft that night. People seemed to think that, about Alec, that he was honourable. He heard it a lot. The truth was, Alec wasn’t a man of honour. He’d sworn vows he knew he couldn’t uphold. He’d acted out of wants his entire community would hate him for. More recently, he’d deliberately disobeyed orders and broken Clave rules, approving hare-brained missions and following Valentine’s daughter into every dangerous situation she charged into. And he’d done all of it for Jace, clinging to foolish hopes he should’ve known were hung on nothing more than a mistake.

                The truth was, three days before Clary Fray entered their lives, Jace kissed Alec against his bedroom door, body insistently pressed against Alec’s but his mouth surprisingly gentle. It was Alec’s first kiss, and it left him so happy he thought he’d dreamt it. Over the next few days Jace’s distance from him made him uneasy, and he wavered between panic that their relationship was ruined and hope that Jace just needed time, that they’d both forget about it and things could go back to normal.

                Some quiet _(or not so quiet),_ foolish part of Alec hoped that Jace, like Alec, was dreaming of that kiss, that he’d realize how right it had been. Throughout Clary Fray’s interruption of their lives, Alec thought of that kiss, of the weight of Jace’s body against his and the feelings of his fingers wrapped around Alec’s biceps.

                By the time Izzy told him of his parent’s plans for him, Alec had spent hours stewing over the idea of an _honourable man_. Where did that kiss fit into Jace’s idea of honour, he wondered, or his parents? It didn’t take him long to realize it didn’t.

                _Come back to the Institute,_ he texted Jace. _Bring Clary Fairchild._

Jace and Clary didn’t show up during the long hours he spent waiting, but Izzy disappeared. Alec retreated to his room, where he sat on his bed, picking idly at his fingernails. That was where Jace found him, hours later as dawn was breaking. Alec knew without looking that it was Jace who came in and closed the door behind him.

                “Where were you?” Jace asked.

                Alec paused before answering. “Here.”

                “Why didn’t you _come_?”

                Alec could hear the hurt in Jace’s voice, but he had no answer. In truth, he still wasn’t sure. Izzy had told him of his parents’ plan for him, and part of Alec had thought _I’ve given up everything for them, for the Clave… Can’t I do something just for myself  for once?_ But of course, he already had. He’d let Jace kiss him, and he’d kept hoping it could happen again. All those missions he’d approved against the Clave’s wishes had been because he didn’t know how—or didn’t want—to say no to Jace. Alec supposed that at some point that evening after he learned he’d be married soon, he realized that he needed to _stop_ doing things for himself.

"We're in a difficult place," Alec said at last, sighing deeply. "Jace, with all the unapproved missions, the Clave, and Mom and Dad... I just, I need to be responsible if we want to keep our position here at the Institute. I can’t keep running around like this.”

                “We wouldn’t have needed to do _any of that_ if it weren’t for other things,” Jace said sharply.

                Alec hunched his shoulders at that, still not willing to turn and face Jace. The same had already  occurred to him without Jace’s input, but it hurt to hear it nonetheless. Jace sighed, and Alec heard his footsteps across the floor before Jace’s weight settled onto the bed behind him.

                “Was it really so awful?” Jace whispered after a long and uncomfortable silence.

                Alec knew to what he was referring, of course. Oddly, what Alec remembered most clearly about that night with the memory demon was the stench. The vortex Magnus had summoned gave off the smell of rotten eggs, and he’d choked on it, barely able to breathe. When the image of Jace appeared, something in Alec had clenched uncomfortably, fear coursing through him. The image was damning, Jace’s face hovering just inches away, and though Alec closed his eyes in the next moment and the memory went dark, it was clear what was happening when the next moment the vision became the view over Jace’s shoulder accompanied by a deep moan. Alec panicked, tearing from the circle, and in the aftermath of the following disaster, Alec retreated from the room while Izzy and Clary helped Jace to his unsteady feet.

                Magnus Bane had followed Alec to the living room. If he knew anything about _parabatai_ and the implications of what he’d just seen, he didn’t mention it.

                As to he and Jace, they had been steadfastly avoiding the subject of what happened that night until now.

                “In front of everyone else?” Alec laughed bitterly in response to Jace’s question, surprised at both his and Jace’s open candor in that moment. “It was humiliating, Jace. Now everyone there that night knows… I can’t get over it, you know, even if you’ll never feel the same. Why did you do it, Jace? Why kiss me when there’s nothing there for you?” Alec was doubly humiliated now by the desperation in his own voice, but he couldn’t hold it back, try as he might.

                “Is that what you think?”                                                                                                                           

                Jace grabbed Alec’s arm and pulled until Alec turned to face him. “Alec, if the circle had remained unbroken long enough for the demon to get to me, we would have seen the exact same thing again. I love you, Alec, but you and I both know… this can’t be a thing. We can’t _be_ together, not anymore than we are now.”

                “Then _why_ ,” Alec asked again.

                “Because I wanted to, Alec! Because I wanted to kiss you, because I want you! And because I’m not the best at thinking before I act.” Jace sighed, raking a hand through his hair. Alec looked away, back to studying the patterns on his duvet, as he had been doing for most of the evening. Before the silence could stretch between them, Jace reached out to grip Alec’s jaw, forcing him to look into his eyes. “I love you, _parabatai_. You must know that.” He seemed to be searching Alec’s face, eyes darting back and forth. Alec shrugged.

                “Yes,” he begrudgingly admit. “Not like I love you… and to be honest, lately it’s been hard to believe I hold a candle to Clary Fray, the way you follow after her.”

                Jace cut him off before he could go on. He sounded angry, and Alec pulled away, defensive.

                “She’s lost her mother, Alec. The only parent she has. You don’t understand. If I could have… If there was something I could _do,_ to find my father, I would have done anything. And I would have wanted help.”

                “That’s not all there is to it,” Alec pointed out, unable to keep the resentment from his voice.

                “No,” Jace admit, “There’s something else, a connection there. But it’s not—it’s not like what we have, _parabatai_.”

                Was that twice or three times Jace had called him that now, trying to call on their bond?

                “You’re trying to manipulate me.”

                Jace let out a huff.

                “I’m trying to tell you I love you! I love you, Alec, I have since I came here a broken boy and you helped put me together again. My father always told me love was weak, but I took my love for you and turned it into something strong, our _bond_. Alec… I’m sorry it’s meant we can’t.. be together the way maybe both of us want… but you’ll have me, forever. I don’t regret making you my _parabatai._ ” Gentler, he added, “I don’t regret kissing you, either, even with all the confusion it’s caused.”

                Alec looked up at last. He pulled in a deep breath, letting it fill his lungs and stretch out the seconds before he had to respond.

                “I don’t either,” he said at last. “Not sure one was enough though.”

                Jace’s expression was gentle as they stared at each other.

                “Maybe one more,” he suggested.

Alec leapt at the chance, fisting his hands into the front of Jace’s shirt and biting down hard on his lip. If he was only going to get _one more kiss_ , by the angel he’d make it count. Regardless of Jace’s  intentions though, the touch of their lips was as intoxicating as it was forbidden. One turned to many, and Jace had soon pushed Alec down onto the mattress, spreading his body out atop Alec’s so that their chests and groins were flush together. A warmth spread through Alec, bright and familiar, as if the hum of the battle bond had enveloped him fully rather than buzzing at the edge of his mind. He whimpered, wrapping his arms around Jace’s neck, and reveled in the low groaning sound Jace made in return. They were panting by the time they broke apart, and as Jace lifted his head away Alec chased after his lips, drawn to him as if by centrifugal motion.

                Alec licked his lips.

                “One more wasn’t good enough,” he whispered.

                Jace sighed, pressing his forehead into Alec’s. “I’ve been an idiot… We can make this work. We have to.”

                For a second, Alec allowed hope to surge through him, but he quashed it, sitting up and pushing Jace off.

                “I’m getting married.”

                “Pardon?”

                “I’m getting married, Jace,” Alec said. “The Clave has lost faith in the Lightwoods, and Mother and Father have decided the best way to restore it is through a political alliance.”

                “No! No, you’ve got to be kidding me, Alec.”

                If only it were that simple. A firm ‘ _No’_.

                “I don’t have a choice, Jace.”

                “We’ll make this work,” his _parabatai_ said. “Like we always do, Alec, together.” He squeezed Alec’s fingers. “I’m sorry I’ve had my head up my ass. If I’d come to you sooner, fought with you less, we could’ve worked together to help Clary without stepping on the Clave’s toes. But we _will_ make this work, Alec.”

                Alec breathed in Jace’s exhales, their faces still inches from each other. He didn’t want to let himself hope, but something warm and comfortable had settled beneath his _parabatai_ rune.

                “Promise?”

                “Hey, if aught but death part you and me,” Jace murmured. "You’re definitely not getting married on my watch.”

                Jace settled onto the covers next to Alec.

                “As much as I hate to ruin what could be a beautiful moment,” Jace went on. “I’m pretty sure Clary knows where to find the Cup… so,  you up for an adventure?”

                Alec grinned, interlacing his fingers with Jace’s own.

                “Lead the way.”

                It might not be the honourable way of going forward, but Alec’d be damned if it didn’t feel like it was the right one.


End file.
